Guatemala 2012 After the Return

It has been roughly one month since our trip and still I find myself struggling with things in our "real" world. I have been changed by this trip and I am still trying to figure out if it is a good thing or bad thing. Truthfully, I have found myself with a greatly diminished tolerance for negativity and for what comes across as selfishness and foolishness of people. I am trying to sort it all out in my head and am finding it challenging. The burning question I have is, "Why oh why after all these years of knowing exactly what makes people tick, am I having a greater issue than ever before." When I think about our trip, I drift back to how the people in Guatemala are truly happy with what we consider to be meager living. I also recall how grateful they were and I mean truly appreciative of each other and of us who came to help serve them as individuals. I find that back home, I am seeing much less appreciation for each other and often times when it is expressed, it is very surface and not whole hearted. The eyes of people tell it all and there was a deep, in your gut appreciation on the faces of the people in Guatemala. That is something I do not see on our faces and I find it bothersome. Do we sit back and take the time to appreciate the people in our lives as we should be? People and the relationships I have are critical to my soul and I do not want to take it for granted. I ask myself, am I doing enough? If I am to answer that question truthfully, I would have to say no. I am trying to work on this but that takes me back to my original concern. My lack of self restraint with negative and seemingly selfish attitudes. I know that God is asking me to work through this and find the good in all, but for some reason he has removed my filtered glasses and I tell you what, this is difficult to process. I really don't know exactly what I am supposed to do with all of these thoughts and emotions, but all I can do is let him lead the way. What I desire is to be a better all around person by remaining a constant "light" and not a flickering bulb about to go out. I want to happily serve others and be part of my community. I want my husband and son to know how much I love them and cherish them. I want to celebrate in the Lord and cherish his love for us. I want to have the ability to help people reflect on what is important in life and that gossiping, judging, belittling, hurting others is not a way of life worthy of your efforts. I want the days of walls, barricades, safety nets, walking on egg shells, hurtful words & thoughts to be put to rest. I want people to love each other and to give freely of themselves and their hearts in order to be flat out good people.