Truth be told....

Blogging is a release for me.  It is something I enjoy doing and a place where I feel I can say what is on my mind.  It is a way for me to log what has been going on with my family and keep loved ones informed of what's going on.  For various reason, I have been finding it hard to blog as of late and I do believe it is time for some no barriers blogging to be done so I can feel at ease with sharing and communicating again.  

So... I have taken some time to evaluate and examine myself and my personality. It was boldly brought to my attention that not everyone appreciates the "finer sides" of Tess. It was made perfectly clear that my love for my friend, family and their lives is not always appreciated.  Those people feel that I am opinionated, overbearing and flat out a pain in their behind.  Well to that I say, guilty.  I can be all of those things and I am not naive enough to think otherwise.  I am passionate about my family and friends in all aspects of their lives.  I want to build memories with them for myself and my son, I want them to have long, healthy, happy lives, I want them to "want" to be a part of our lives as well.  I pray and worry about everyone on a daily basis and it is with great love and respect that I do so.  Family and friends, they are my world.  I love all of my family and all of my friends with all my heart.  If you read this, don't think for one second when I ask you how are you are doing or what is new in your life that it is a surface question or that I am just making conversation. I do care and want to know and I want to take the time to be involved and knowledgeable about what is going on in your life. When I see you hurting or in trouble I want to be there for you in anyway that I can. That is who I am and that is how God made me.

I am the known planner of the family and within some of friends.  I take on that role happily and enjoy it for the most part. I'm not going to lie, sometimes being the planner stinks because with the planning comes an added pressure (self induced) to make sure everything goes off without a hitch and no problems occur.  Once in a while it would be nice to be able to sit back and enjoy the show without having to be involved. It is my nature however to step up and take on the leadership role easily.  Most times I prefer it to be quite honest, especially if someone is leading who drops the ball and I have to pick up the pieces. That is who I am and that is how God made me. 

Since the bold strike against me, I have withdrawn, I am not going to lie.  I have stopped blogging, I have not emailed as much, I have not called as often. I have probably hurt some who I didn't intend to hurt. I have spent more time isolated from everyone and just taken a time to reflect and evaluate where I am in my life and if there things that need to change.  I didn't reach out and ask how everyone was, I had conversations that didn't go so well because quite frankly I became selfish because someone had me doubting myself and all I am.  I prayed and prayed that God would lead me to where I was supposed to go. One day I opened my eyes and there I was laying in bed with my husband and my little nighttime creeper, Micah and I realized they are what matters to me.  They are my life and they are the ones that I need to concentrate on.  I also realized that I am the one I need to make happy and I am most happy when I am helping others and when I am visiting with others and finding out what is going in their life. I am not happy when I rely on others to contact me and ask me how I am doing. Most people aren't like me and don't reach out like I do.  That is part of what makes me Tess!  Even though some people see that as a negative I am no longer going to allow them to have any affect over me at all.  

Hold on to your hats folks, it might be a bumpy ride but I have no doubt you will enjoy it!